Sunday, April 11, 2010

I'm sure this is normal...right?

To all my friends who have more than one child, or anyone who has multiple grandchildren, neices/nephews, or just likes a lot of kids I have a question....

Before the second, third, fourth etc. kid came into your life did you ever wonder how will it ever be the same for them as it was for the first? In case that doesn't make sense, (which I'm pretty sure it doesn't) let me explain. For the last two years it has just been Easton and I. Dad is there too, but you know what I mean. Easton has my undivided attention right now. He's the only one I read to, the only one I rock to sleep, the only one I...you get the idea. He gets so much one on one just mom time. Now that baby number two is getting closer to his arrival I think about how all of that will change. Don't get me wrong this baby is very much wanted and already loved, but I just wonder what it will be like. The second one will never know what it was like to have mom and dad all to themselves. They will never get my undivided attention in the same way baby number one did. And number one son will never get my undivided attention again in the way he's used to. I know Easton will adjust, and number two will never know any different. Yet I still find myself wondering what it will be like. Part of me is a little sad for both boys because their experiences will be so different, although they're so young they won't remember life without each other anyway. The other part of me knows that there are also some serious perks to having a sibling around. Someone to help clean up the toys, someone to pass the blame on when you get in trouble, someone to teach new things to, someone to learn from, a friend, a confidant...

I guess it's because it's the unknown for me that I find myself wondering lately what it will be like. Wondering what changes having two at two very differet stages in life will bring to our house. I know it isn't something I can really prepare for, and don't need to. It's just something I've found myself thinking about lately. Like I said, I'm sure this is normal...right?

5 comments:

Cynthia Lawrence said...

I remember talking to my sister Tabitha about this before she had D. I didn't quite get what she was saying when she was expressing her concerns, but now that I have a child of my own I know exactly what she was talking about. I think that Tabitha did a wonderful job of showing both her girls how much she loved them. You might call and talk to her for a bit. :)
I LOVE having a sister close in age to me! I have so many wonderful memories and I know your boys will make many good memories together too!

The Jacobsen Family! said...

I didnt even think of that (that I can remember) when preg with Brooke. I was more worried how I could love another baby as much as I loved Logan. Turns out that wasnt a problem at all; And yours wont end up being a problem either. No worries mama! =)

Manon said...

I would give you some sage advice, but . . .
No really, I've thought about that even though I only had one child. I know the experience will be different for Easton and your new little one -- each in his own way will have different life experiences. But whichever way a child grows up, with siblings or without, it is equally wonderful. If you're an only child, it has its pluses and minuses. If you're the first child of many, it has advantages and disadvantages. If you're the youngest of just two or the youngest of many, it's the same thing. What's important is how you show them your love, and most of all, how they learn to love by being brought up in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord." I used to hear people "categorize" only children . . . Let's see . . . selfish, egocentric, maladjusted, spoiled, anti-social - poor things! The list goes on. Then they'd say, "Oh, you're not that way. I guess it doesn't HAVE to be that way." :-) It's really how a parent handles things that makes the difference. I somehow think you'll do just fine. Know why I think that? Because you're concerned about it ... you'll think it through and talk to other people and see how it went for them. Mostly, because you are a young woman of faith and prayer. God fills the voids in our understanding and experience. And yes, I think it's normal. :)

Jess said...

I was the middle child between two boys. My parents also helped raise other people's children and out of the kids we consider our siblings, I'm still the middle child surrounded by all boys. My mom was awesome about having "dates" with us. We scheduled days or nights that it was just mom and one of us kids. We each got undivided attention. We looked forward to those days and while waiting for that special time, I had fun playing and fighting with my brothers. We didn't always plan the dates. Sometimes, when the boys were off doing their own thing my mom and I would go for walks or out for a secret ice cream run :) or shopping.

It won't be the same and I think it's perfectly normal to worry about. Easton won't get the same time that he does now. The new baby won't get exactly what Easton has had attention wise, but they also won't really know any different in the long run.

Now that we are adults, my siblings and i have very different relationships with our parents and I think it has a lot to do with how they interacted with us in the family setting as well as in an individual setting. We each got to bond with our parents in our own way as well as bond with each other when someone else was getting individual attention or when they were out trying to get away from all of us and our nerf guns! :)

HollyB said...

This is a little late... but I sorta understand what you are talking about. When the twins were first born I had similar feelings. "how can I give enough attention to both babies" babies are so needy... they need mommy for sure. I felt torn many times. Espeically when over a few days span one child really needed a lot of my attention. But then I read something, it was directed for mothers of twins but I think it would work for any mother with multiple children. (went something like this...) *Your children need you! As a mother you have a natrual instinct as too what your children need the most. God gives this to you as a gift. If you find yourself giving extra attention to one of your babies, it's okay, they need it. When the other child needs your attenion, you will provide it too.* I have remembered this because it reminds me that I do the best I can do. If one child needs a little extra TLC, it's okay. They will both get what they need when they need it. Children adapt easily. I am in NO WAY an expert, just giving you my two cents in what helped me. I know it is totally differnet having a couple years between siblings, unlike me having a couple minutes between my kids. But like Manon mentioned, each experience has its own unique challenges and blessings. You will do great and so will both of your boys! You are already a fantastic mother, that I admire!