Back in January my husband and I found out I was pregnant with what would be our third child. Things seemed normal except for the fact that I wasn't quite as sick as I normally am when I'm pregant. I was still not well, and still having trouble with morning sickness but nothing like usual. With my first two I had A LOT of trouble with feeling sick pretty much the entire pregnancy, and even needing medication to be able to keep any food or liquid down with my second. I still felt sick though, and was just happy it wasn't as bad a usual. I went in for my first ultrasound and they saw the baby didn't seem as far along as we thought. No one was woried though because we just figured the dates were off and they wanted me to come back in for another ultrasound in a couple of weeks.
During this time I had been a little apprehensive about the next ultrasound just because I'd never been off on my dates like that before. I waited anxiously for it because I knew I would feel better once I saw things were progressing. The day of the next ultrasound came, and as the technician looked for the baby I immediately knew something was wrong. She didn't say anything and was very kind and professional, but she couldn't locate the baby. When she finally did it hadn't changed as much as it should have in that time and there was no heartbeat. She left the room to find the doctor and the tears I had been holding in as she let me know what was going on could be held no longer. I sat there waiting, and praying, and hoping that the tears would stop before she returned; they didn't. I know they deal with these things all the time and thankfully the ultrasound technichian at my doctor's office is wonderful and she did her best to make me feel better. The doctor didn't see me immediately that day, but had me do another blood test and scheduled an appointment for a week later.
So, I went home.
On the way I called my husband and at work and told him the news. The tears that had dried before I left the office were back in full force. Probably not the best idea to make that phone call while driving home on the freeway, but I wasn't thinking about that at the moment. He tried his best to comfort me, and he did. He reminded me that everything was in God's hands and whether the baby ended up being alright or not we would be ok. I knew he was right, but it was still a hard day. But from the moment my ultrasound ended I had begun praying, and didn't really stop. We told a few close friends and family about what we were dealing with and I have no doubt they all began to pray for us immediately, and continued to until we knew for sure what was going on.
Over the next few days I met with my doctor several times and she let me know my pregnancy was not progressing normally. My hormone levels weren't rising as quickly as they should be and there was still no heartbeat. After a final blood test the results showed the hormone levels beginning to drop, and that along with no continued growth or heartbeat determined the fetus was not viable and I had had a miscarriage. They told me to talk with my husband and decide which route we wanted to take...wait for the fetus to pass naturally, take medication that would cause my body to pass the fetus within a few days, or schedule a surgery to have everything removed. We opted for the surgery. I was still feeling very sick and it was much harder to deal with that when I knew it wasn't leading to a healthy baby, but was just my body's reaction to hormones that still remained. We decided we just wanted to put everything behind us and not continue to wait for the fetus to pass on it's own; which could've taken anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to happen. It had already been 10 weeks since I found out I was pregnant and continuing the process any longer would've been difficult.
You're probably reading this and thinking, "You titled this Blessings in Disguise??!" But it's true, even though things didn't turn out the way I had hoped it was still a blessing, and God was still with us. He deserves our praise when we get the answers we want and when we don't, and I don't want to deny Him that which He is worthy of. There are some specific blessings we had during all of this though.
First of all, I decided to get a new doctor with this pregnancy. I'd had the same one for my first two deliveries and although I didn't dislike my doctor I didn't really love him either. So I looked for a new one. I didn't want to ask any of my friends for recommendations because we weren't ready to share the news yet, so I did an online search and found a doctor with great reviews right near my house. The reviews were right and she is wonderful. I'm so glad I had her during this time instead of my old docotor, I just know he would not have had such a good bedside manner.
Second, I was administered to before I found out the end result of my pregnancy and I know I was immediately blessed. I felt a peace I hadn't felt before and knew no matter what happened that everything was ok. And after that I was willing to accept any answer God chose to give even if it meant the baby wasn't going to be ok. My husband's grandfather was one of the ones who did the administration and he told me when it was done he didn't know what the Lord had done, but he had blessed me because he could feel it. He was right.
Third, my surgery went very very well. It was quick and simple with no complications. I had been warned of possible pain and other side effects from it and I didn't have a single one. I didn't need the pain prescription and never needed any pain medication at all.
Finally, I am so blessed to be surrounded by loving friends and family who were there to support us through it all. God knows who we need in our lives and puts them in our path if we allow him to guide us. I could not be more blessed with a caring husband and the best friends I could ever ask for.
These thoughts have been on my heart and mind today and I just felt I should share them with whoever might happen to stop by and read it.